Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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