it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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