Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
