I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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