today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
