The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
