Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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