hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
