I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
