wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
