I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
this beer tastes like vomit already
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
jump out the window naked night went bad
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
