You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
