Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
They took my balls.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
This is my gift to your gina
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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