He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
