Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
