Hey man sorry I got all grabby
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
