i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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