I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
