So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
