We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
