I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
