Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
