am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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