Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
