I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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