I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
