Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
