He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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