if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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