32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I need water and some morals
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
