Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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