wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
