U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
