News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
