Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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