question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i've created a new STD.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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