my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
