I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
