I'm lost and stupid without you.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
