I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
