I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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