they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
