Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
