You made me cry and you don't even care
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
