I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
we're making bets on your personal life
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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