my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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