Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
