He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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