I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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