i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
