I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
