I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
