OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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